What happened to me??

It has been almost a year since i left this blog.
Maybe I'm too lazy to write or maybe I totally forget about this blog, or maybe not.

Just a quick run about what is happening in my 2012 life.
The 1st semester of the my uni life is quite awful.
I nearly planning to change my course which is Occupational Therapy.
I felt that I have totally no interested on OT.
It was all about English, grammar, vocabulary....
Well,
You know...
My English is totally "bad"....
Haix,
What can I do?

The assignment, the test, the presentation, the lab....
all sort of hard things are going around.
Hard to take any breath at all.

But thanks God,
I didn't drop OT.
I passed all units and get pretty well for some but not all.
Happy with it.
=)

This is pretty much my Semester 1 life.

Then, 
The big news is..
Billy get an interview from a small company.
However,
I really scare whether that company is cheating people or not.
Because they asked Billy to go to an apartment to do the interview.
They said they are a very small company!
And also they told Billy they are only the sub-company.
Their big company is in Sabah.
AND THEN...
the most weird things is that,
they said 'which is near your hometown' to Billy.
Why weird?
Because Billy didn't even mention himself is from Sabah in his resume.
Maybe they know the high school billy is studying in his resume? 
Or the company billy worked in before in the resume?
Who knows?
But God,
Everything is in on your hands.
Please guide Billy and shows him his future pathway.
Let nothings horrible happen on him, Lord.
It is all in your hand!

*I really hope you can stay in Perth, Billy. I really want to. But i know, you have to listen to your mum and dad wishes. I know you need to take care of them. I know. But i really really wish that you could stay. The reasons are that I love here more that Malaysia, I can get a jobs here after we get marry, I can have dogs in my house here.... etc.. there are lots reasons. But I will look upon on you! your the one who get to do the decision. I will just follow, because this is how a better wife would do. I love you.*

SO, 
Back to today post!
I'm here today (23/8),
With a very emotional feel.
I don't know what happen to me.
May be I know.
But I have no courage to admit it!

*DEEP BREATH*

What had happened today was....
I really really really really admire one of my OT friends.
She is pretty, funny, clever, and importantly SHE LOVE GOD and always remember about Him.

I am totally a fail Christian. 
I neglected my Heavenly Father always. 
I am really sorry, Lord. 

Also,
When I heard the mark she get for the assignment,
I really really happy for her and feel "WHY" for myself.
I put so much effort on my assignment and WHY???
I felt really sad. ='(

I admit that I really emphasize on my study!
VERY REALLY!!!

However, the time I've been with her is really happy.
The other time, I was all alone in the UNI.
I didn't get to know a lots of new friends.
I felt that I could not get into the conservation of those 'Ang Mo'

She is the girl that I used to pass by in Canning College.
I was amazed that she can be so 'herself'.
She dare to laugh and do all sort of funny/silly things in front of those 'Ang Mo' and other strangers.

I used to be that with my friends.
I was so afraid to be silly one, and laugh in front of the others after I get into UNI.
What happen to me?
I feel so unsafe and really lonely.
I become so not-myself!

I used to be talkative,
I used to be silly,

It all just changed when I get into Uni.
I have a feeling that everyone will look me with different 'sight' if I been silly in front of them,
especially in front of Australian.

THAT'S WHY!
I so admire you.

The study,
I don't know whether you also put a lots of efforts on the assignment or not.
But I really admire that you can get high mark!
You are even looking at a jobs now.

I don't even know whether i can handle my study if I work! 
Urghhhh..
I was soooo angry at myself.

WHY???
WHY WHY WHY??

And then I cried silently with my sis who sit at the back of her study table. (she didn't found out)
And then I pray!

I said,
God, please help me.
Be with me.
Let me know which one is much more important.
I know it is not Studies, but your words.
Lords,
Get rids of the Satan beside me!
Let me appreciate what I had now.
I know everyone have their own strength.
Let me discover my strength.
Let me not leave You.
Let me depend more on You but not things that is belong to the world, because one day, you will take it all back.
Let me remember you everyday, but not only when I am in trouble.
Let me be myself.
Let me understand more about myself and love myself more.
Give me strength, courage and wisdom to stop me from comparing myself with the others.
I commit that I have SIN. A very BIG and UNFORGIVABLE SIN!
But i know,
God,
You will forgive us if we truly asked from and change because we, human are weak.
Keep guide us walk through this world, Lord.
Thanks you,
Very Very thanks you for taking away my emotion with you and also carry it together with me.
Lord,
I love you.
Forever and Ever.
You always comfort me when there is no one around.
In the name of Jesus i pray, 
Amen.

SO Margaret!
Keep going with your life,
Stop been silly.
Stop comparing yourself with the others.
Stop getting stresses on the studies.
Stop pretend that you are a good or shy girl.
Be yourself.
(though i know it is hard sometimes especially in Uni and when you are alone.)
Just try all your best!
God will guide you.
Leave it all to God and God will know what is the best for you, dear.
So again,
Keep smiling and more onward!

Be yourself babe ♥

Yes, it was an advice ;)

Just in a rough way with angry words

Glad you try change though.

But i hope this is what you willing to change for,

WE didn't force you to.

What i done and what i said,

All the main points are that

I WANT YOU TO BE WHAT YOU ARE.

DON'T PRETEND!

MAY BE

 WE LIKE YOU MORE IN THIS WAY

----->>>>>

THE "NO PRETENDED" YOU

Not the YOU that make yourselves LOOK cool,

The YOU that cannot express what your ideas

or

 your heart that you want to tell us.

AND

of course not the you at the past.

BUT

We will still accept what you have done before.

Cause

like you said

Let the past be the past.

I'm very glad

happy

joyfull

cheerful 

AND

pleased...

 

that you said you are willing to change =)

I think this is what S.M.Y are trying to tell you what i wrote on blog.

That's why i use WE.



I think this is the first time your friend tell you your stuff right?

Never knew people will think about you that way?

But now you know and you willing to change

God will happy too. (FOR SURE)

And us as well.

Don't give yourself too many stress.

We all know no one can change immediately.

We will be there for help though.

And accept that you are trying to change

Babe ♥

You are on the MATURE ROAD.

HOPE S.A.M.Y. ARE BBF

FROM: S.M to A (not sure about Y)

xp

Especially for you, friend =)

Actually,
I know the truth.
You don't have to pretend to be good to me if you don't want.
This only make you feel more worst.
If you consider about me,
It's OKK actually! C:
I mean i could handle it.

I guess it all...
The first time you told me,
that,
your mum don't like a girl,
And ask you don't be friend with her,
i know it's me.
Even though you don't want to tell me who is she.

I feel it.

You said it's a girl that WE (me, Su ing and Yuri) don't know,
You never said that before if it really not related to us.
But you choose not to tell us.

Then i start guessing,
your mum only saw me and Su ing when she was here.
And it's definitely not Su ing,
of course not Yuri too, cox she never know her.

So yea,
i guessed it's me.

That's why after you told me that,
I felt weird,
As,
you stop talking to me and i stop talking to you too.
You even ignore me.

[Well, i don't know whether i think too much but i felt that way.] :(

You lied to me!
I asked you about this last time in library and you told me she went back to KL and didn't talk to her anymore.
I know you lied,
cause,
I don't knowww,
Just felt like.
And your facee..

i tried to ask you and tell you that you don't have to pretend,
but i don't dare.
So this is the way i want to tell you..
Hope you understand.

I just want to tell you that,
I'm ok with all this,
you don't have to scare that you will hurt me.
If you want,
We still can be friend.
I'm happy to be your friend.

But there's a question that i don't get it at all.
Why don't like my attidude?
Did i did anything wrong?
Or it's because the lunch box thingy?

Well, if it is.
I said thousand of sorry already,
And i seriously felt sorry for it.
I'm not doing it for purpose.
I'm sick that day and you know me right.
I'm forgetful!

So ya,
It's ok for me though =)
I'm tough..hee

Is happy to be your friend.
And i,
Cherish the moment we have...

Don't you hate it when your friend is mad about you over a stupidest thing?

A simple friend thinks the friendship over when you have an argument.

A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.
Love,  ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥



WEIRDO!

I'm who i'm. God loves who you are =)

1 actual stuff about me. >_<

~i'm forgetful

  ~i'm trying not to solve any problem by forgetting them

Well, actually i'm escaping the problem.

*escaping*

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Billy, ♥
You asked me why i'm angry today and you said you don't know what's wrong with me..
It's the hormone of girl. ( yea, a bit true)
Girls are weirdo always, because of that. -__________-"


The truth of mine is that,
You make me felt like that 1st.

Why you?
cause you made me felt that you were unhappy when Aaron talked to me and you asked me ques,
but i didn't ans you. 


I know you said you didn't,
But your acts acted your unhappiness out. (don't said i'm sensitive, but it is!)
*walking straight in front of me outside carousel, though you walked behind me after that.( i'm angry already)*


In the shop,
me: "wow, 70% off eh."
you: "Buy la"
me: "Can you don't keep ask me buy la buy la?? eh, you are my bf eh. y don't u buy for me, keep ask me buy la buy la. -.-" "Don't talk to me!"
you: ....


You said you angry that i said somethings like that but u always asked me buy la buy la.=.= really annoying!
Cause it's not pretty and it's not what i want and it's not that cheap(some) and i can't afford to buy it but u just said buy la buy la. (I know you told me that you make use of it already and you said to everyone else too. But i'm not "everyone else" =.= )




Other thing, i cap your phone cause you were typing message and it's so noisy.
Why don't i just tell you to stop it?? 
cause i'm angry and you know that when i angry i normally won't talk that much.
If u are playing message then better don't talk.
I know you hate people cap your phone and me too.
But sometimes really hate it and don't want to talk to you!!!

P/s: somethings, sometimes, i tried hard to remember things that happened but i  couldn't remember it. Because deep deep inside my heart, somethings blocked me from thinking and remember it. Maybe, the fear of losing you, fear we quarrel again (though if the problem didn't solve we will still quarrel, but this is the way i escaped it. >_<), fear....
I know it's not a good one, but i try to change. Please give me times..

Last day of "Relax"

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

Such a good day today!

But, 

I'm deadly boring ! =.=

Oh well, 

I will be going out after B♥  finished his exam..

Woohoo.. =P

Last day to relax >u<

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

OH YA,

Guyssss...

i shared in last last post that I lost me best friend isn't it??

But now,

I wanted to tell you that me and my besta friends become friend again ^^V

Yeaaa.... c:

WHEN?? O_O


Date: 13/05/2011
Her's 18th birthday.
The day before her birthday,
12am!
i sent happy birthday to her and said sorry,


Well, 
why i said sorry?
That's because my other "friend", her friend too, told me that she ignored me and hate me cause i'm change my friend and not that good to her anymore. 
Like = i went ice skating without calling her, didn't sit together when eating lunch in college, etc.
But it's all a misunderstanding.
So i explained to her that day and
Unexpected things came out!!
She forgive me. >_< 
I'm really really happy that time.


Then, we became friend and when in the school i went to hug her.
Touched!
Happy!


BUT,
We weren't that good anymore,
cause she have her friends and i have mine.
But i'm trying to spend more time with her and try to talk like before.
We are still a bit "paisei" to talk to each other like before.
This is just a gap between us.
Cause i'm the one who build up the wall in between us so i have to overcome this!!!
=)

But at least we are still friend =)

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

I broke my hard disk drive T_T

Urgh!!

My picturesss, moviess, musicsss, documentsss....

NOOOOOO.

I know hard drive cannot be repaired,

But i just hoping that it will be fine when i try it on my computer next time..

Pleaseee..

I want MIRACLE!!!!

T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T T_T

4 months, i left u alone T_T

This few months,

I had been going through lots of difficulties,

Exam, assignment, quarrel (sis and bf)..etc

But now,

When you turn back and have a look,

It just showing you that,

You are turning more mature than you are now.

No matter how disappointed your attitudes or your results shows,

Or you feel guilty and embarrassed of what you had done,

Just looked up.

Starting now,

There are more and more difficulties and harder things you have to face.

So be strong my friends =) I'm here to support you always. 

Fighting, Margaret and friendssss.

Date: 1/06/2011

B♥ = half year. i Love you more and more.. 

yeappy =P

Date: 10/06/2011

*BREATHE OUT BREATH LONGGGGG*..

Finished my semester 1 exam, YES!!!

But sadly,

Seriously,

I don't know how to do!! That's the problem.

Please PASS!!! >_<

But,

After exam,

Me and him having our RB and Pizza!! 

Woohoo,

It's just soooo romantic. >.<

Eating my favorite Pizza *drooling* ♥

It's life

Time to blog!
It's the month where it's really really busy and stressed me out at lot!
Days full of test and assignment.
I had two test on Monday,
After psychology then directly had my next test, physics!
Both are the poorest subjects i can said.
Psychology and physics!!! >_<

Urghhhhh!!
I didn't know how to do my psychology test!
It ruined my mood for the next test, physics.
AND!
i panicked for about 30 minutes when doing the physics test!
'Total time was 40 minutes!'
O_O
My brain my too messy and cannot find the real useful information for my physics test!

But,
God answered my prayer =)
He let me concentrated and remember all the physics formula i had learnt!
Clear all the useless things in my head too.
Phewwww...
Thanks God. <3

You know what?
i get quite a good result for my both test =)
Really really appreciate it.

Well,
Life just aren't only full of test!
Friends,
ARE the really one that can influence your feeling towards a day!

Tell you the story about mine,
She, my best friend before, ignored me sudddenly...
I have no idea what is going on..
I tried to talk to her,
but she just, she did answered me,
but she didn't look at me,

You know the feeling, aren't you?
We had been best friend for one year (met last year).
And she or even me, stopped this relationship suddenly without any reason.
May be she know why, but NOT me.

I'm wondering it for really really a long period of time,
AND THEN
nothing good turning out!
She and i just acting really really strange in school,
like a strangers.
It didn't bothered me much actually,
(cause she is the one who started ignore me)
BUT
looking back at our old pictures,
It really really broke my heart into pieces!!!

How can a best friend just break out like that without a clear reason on WHY?
seriously! whyyyyy??????????/
Did i do anythings wrong?

Haixxxx

Life isn't easy as you think!
Best friend,
everyone can be!
The true, real, best friend that can truely share each other problem are really rare! ='(

Hope my relationship with my best friend, She will get better soon.

Lord, my father,
Please guide me and lead me,
Let me understand what i'm doing and what i'm going to do.
Bless me and look after me and her,
Give me brave and send me away from the temptation.
In the name of Jesus i pray,

Amen.