Maybe I'm too lazy to write or maybe I totally forget about this blog, or maybe not.
Just a quick run about what is happening in my 2012 life.
The 1st semester of the my uni life is quite awful.
I nearly planning to change my course which is Occupational Therapy.
I felt that I have totally no interested on OT.
It was all about English, grammar, vocabulary....
Well,
You know...
My English is totally "bad"....
Haix,
What can I do?
The assignment, the test, the presentation, the lab....
all sort of hard things are going around.
Hard to take any breath at all.
But thanks God,
I didn't drop OT.
I passed all units and get pretty well for some but not all.
Happy with it.
=)
This is pretty much my Semester 1 life.
Then,
The big news is..
Billy get an interview from a small company.
However,
I really scare whether that company is cheating people or not.
Because they asked Billy to go to an apartment to do the interview.
They said they are a very small company!
And also they told Billy they are only the sub-company.
Their big company is in Sabah.
AND THEN...
the most weird things is that,
they said 'which is near your hometown' to Billy.
Why weird?
Because Billy didn't even mention himself is from Sabah in his resume.
Maybe they know the high school billy is studying in his resume?
Or the company billy worked in before in the resume?
Who knows?
But God,
Everything is in on your hands.
Please guide Billy and shows him his future pathway.
Let nothings horrible happen on him, Lord.
It is all in your hand!
*I really hope you can stay in Perth, Billy. I really want to. But i know, you have to listen to your mum and dad wishes. I know you need to take care of them. I know. But i really really wish that you could stay. The reasons are that I love here more that Malaysia, I can get a jobs here after we get marry, I can have dogs in my house here.... etc.. there are lots reasons. But I will look upon on you! your the one who get to do the decision. I will just follow, because this is how a better wife would do. I love you.*
SO,
Back to today post!
I'm here today (23/8),
With a very emotional feel.
I don't know what happen to me.
May be I know.
But I have no courage to admit it!
*DEEP BREATH*
What had happened today was....
I really really really really admire one of my OT friends.
She is pretty, funny, clever, and importantly SHE LOVE GOD and always remember about Him.
I am totally a fail Christian.
I neglected my Heavenly Father always.
I am really sorry, Lord.
Also,
When I heard the mark she get for the assignment,
I really really happy for her and feel "WHY" for myself.
I put so much effort on my assignment and WHY???
I felt really sad. ='(
I admit that I really emphasize on my study!
VERY REALLY!!!
However, the time I've been with her is really happy.
The other time, I was all alone in the UNI.
I didn't get to know a lots of new friends.
I felt that I could not get into the conservation of those 'Ang Mo'
She is the girl that I used to pass by in Canning College.
I was amazed that she can be so 'herself'.
She dare to laugh and do all sort of funny/silly things in front of those 'Ang Mo' and other strangers.
I used to be that with my friends.
I was so afraid to be silly one, and laugh in front of the others after I get into UNI.
What happen to me?
I feel so unsafe and really lonely.
I become so not-myself!
I used to be talkative,
I used to be silly,
It all just changed when I get into Uni.
I have a feeling that everyone will look me with different 'sight' if I been silly in front of them,
especially in front of Australian.
THAT'S WHY!
I so admire you.
The study,
I don't know whether you also put a lots of efforts on the assignment or not.
But I really admire that you can get high mark!
You are even looking at a jobs now.
I don't even know whether i can handle my study if I work!
Urghhhh..
I was soooo angry at myself.
WHY???
WHY WHY WHY??
And then I cried silently with my sis who sit at the back of her study table. (she didn't found out)
And then I pray!
I said,
God, please help me.
Be with me.
Let me know which one is much more important.
I know it is not Studies, but your words.
Lords,
Get rids of the Satan beside me!
Let me appreciate what I had now.
I know everyone have their own strength.
Let me discover my strength.
Let me not leave You.
Let me depend more on You but not things that is belong to the world, because one day, you will take it all back.
Let me remember you everyday, but not only when I am in trouble.
Let me be myself.
Let me understand more about myself and love myself more.
Give me strength, courage and wisdom to stop me from comparing myself with the others.
I commit that I have SIN. A very BIG and UNFORGIVABLE SIN!
But i know,
God,
You will forgive us if we truly asked from and change because we, human are weak.
Keep guide us walk through this world, Lord.
Thanks you,
Very Very thanks you for taking away my emotion with you and also carry it together with me.
Lord,
I love you.
Forever and Ever.
You always comfort me when there is no one around.
In the name of Jesus i pray,
Amen.
SO Margaret!
Keep going with your life,
Stop been silly.
Stop comparing yourself with the others.
Stop getting stresses on the studies.
Stop pretend that you are a good or shy girl.
Be yourself.
(though i know it is hard sometimes especially in Uni and when you are alone.)
Just try all your best!
God will guide you.
Leave it all to God and God will know what is the best for you, dear.
So again,
Keep smiling and more onward!
